i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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