Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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