I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
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