wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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