Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
