I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I have tasted many bathrooms
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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