i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
