Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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