We won't sleep together?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
