I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
