forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
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grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
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It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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