So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
