fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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