Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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