It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
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you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
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I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
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