Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
