Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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