she woke up with a sticky ear
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
