New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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