I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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