he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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