all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You were trust falling into bushes
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
