he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Randomize
