i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
