please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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