i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
