yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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