I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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