i just google imaged poop.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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