wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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