bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
