hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
