Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
