OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He better not be in your backpack
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
