Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
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we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
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Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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