He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
