I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
