the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Are we still banned from the library?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
