Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
