Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
