smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
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Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
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You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize