What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
My ATM looks so different sober.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
