This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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