So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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