You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
