Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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