I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
