The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
