I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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