I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Damn victory sex feels great
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
