They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
