OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
