sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
