If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
