had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize