I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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