Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
