I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
soo... how was my night?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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