it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
