I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
