I just saw a hot homeless man
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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