Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
